Having five children is fine for middle-class people like me, but not the poor

By Carolyn Ryan

For me, having five children is an important personal choice, but for poor people it’s just incredibly irresponsible.

Just like snorting coke or gambling on horses, if middle-class people do it it’s sophisticated and aspirational, but if poor people do it, they’re shiftless, negligent scum.

My five kids will grow up as walking ecological catastrophes due to the fact that they will have enough money to buy massive cars and go on shitloads of foreign holidays, but I don’t care about that as long as I can keep popping out mini versions of myself.

Miserable naysayers tell me that my grandchildren will have to exist in an overpopulated, drought and flood-ridden hellhole, but I prefer not to think about that. And anyway, I’ve given up using plastic straws so I’m sure it will all be fine.

It’s well known that poor people neglect their children, whilst I take excellent care of mine by sending them to boarding school as soon as I can and throwing money at their problems instead of helping to solve them.

Children are the light of the world, especially as a status symbol that you don’t actually have spend much time with.

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These thugs we totally agree with are dreadful, say twats

MEMBERS of the public and media have criticised aggressive right-wing protesters they have been encouraging for several years.

Various hypocrites said it was wrong for MP Anna Soubry to be subjected to abuse that was pretty much identical to the drivel they constantly spout.

Electrical contractor Roy Hobbs said: “It’s wrong to say things like ‘Nazi’ or ‘slag’. They should stick to reasonable, non-gendered abuse like ‘filthy traitor scum’.

“In the pub and online I do frequently express the opinion that Remainers should be slowly disembowelled, but it’s hardly like I’m fuelling an atmosphere of deranged Brexit hysteria.

“We need to keep the abuse civil and turncoats like Soubry can be dealt with by the ‘People’s Brexit Courts’ I’m always fantasising about.”

Daily Mail journalist Donna Sheridan said: “Yes, I’ve written several articles using terms like ‘saboteur’ and ‘quisling’. That’s just bringing a story to life with interesting language.”