Will this be the year you achieve even one of your ultimately pointless goals?

IT’S 2019, and you’ve written all the things you hope to achieve in a pathetic Moleskine notebook you bought yourself. But will you achieve even one of them? Find out: 

What did you do immediately after your first coffee this morning? 

A) Wrote a numbered list of aims for the day, broken down into subsections while I strategise like Alexander the Great.

B) Rolled a spliff

How are you taking action to move toward your goals? 

A) Spending 90 minutes a day writing, training, and planning, motivating myself with concrete results as I set up base camp on my personal Everest.

B) Thinking about them sometimes on the train.

What are your milestones? 

A) Promotion or salary increase, running a marathon, getting a post-graduate degree, relocating to Berlin or Kuala Lumpur.

B) I’m 37 in July. Oh no, wait, 39. 

Where do you hope to be by the end of the year? 

A) Smiling with satisfaction as the last of my goals is crossed off my list, while scoffing at my vanquished foes.

B) My auntie usually has a party.


Mostly As: You’re a driven, ambitious person and as such have set yourself goals that are impossible to realistically achieve. You will achieve nothing.

Mostly Bs: Despite making very little effort, you will achieve one of your goals in May when you watch Avengers: Endgame. Well done.