Will your social media posts get you fired today?

WE ALL love posting on social media, the data-collection system that has somehow convinced us it is for our benefit. But will your posts eventually cost you your job? Take our quiz: 

Do you post about politics? 
A. Yes, frequently, especially when I’m angry about Brexit, Trump or those bloody roadworks you never see anyone actually working on
B. No, I prefer to keep that kind of thing out of a public forum and just mouth off in private after my fourth glass red wine.

Do you post jokes? 
A. Yes, all my 318 followers enjoy the gifs that encapsulate my wry, sideways take on the world.
B. No, they’re too easily misinterpreted and I don’t want a Twitter mob calling me a ‘fucking Nazi’ and posting my mobile phone number.

Do you post selfies? 
A. Yes, frequently, accompanied with a comment about how hammered I was last night.
B. No, I’m not pathologically self-absorbed and prefer to keep my face and personal details to myself.

Do you post about your job? 
A. Yes, I find social media is the perfect place to bitch about my dreadful colleagues and idiotic customers.
B. No, employers search social media and I quite like having a salary.

Mostly As: If you have not already been fired, you will be fired later today when you post the results of this quiz on Facebook when you should have been working. Because this is what social media does.

Mostly Bs: A routine search by HR finds that you never post any positive statements about your ‘work family’. You will be fired later today for not being a ‘team player’. Because this is what social media does.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Stakes rising for woman with table seat on train

A WOMAN with an entire table to herself on a train is getting steadily more anxious as passengers file past her.

Carolyn Ryan admitted that with every passenger who passes her by her hopes rise further even though she knows she should not allow herself to believe.

She said: “What began as a fantasy is so close to being a reality that it’s impossible to think about anything else.

“But the closer I get to the unprecedented luxury of stretching out in four seats with a table to myself, the more crushing it‘ll be if it’s taken from me.

“There’s a minute until departure. My heart’s racing, I’m sweating and I can’t even bear to look up. I feel their shadows pass over me as time after time I’m miraculously spared. Could it really happen?”

Passenger Wayne Hayes said: “I’m planning to wait until the train actually sets off, then stride up and ask if the seat opposite’s taken, even though it obviously isn’t.

“Then I’ll get my massive laptop out and watch a film on full volume while enjoying my tuna fish sandwich. Mmmm.”