ARE you looking for trouble? Take our simple test to find out if you’d better step outside.
1. Are you from round here, mate?
A. Yes and I once robbed a post office with your cousin Darren. Yeah that’s right, Darren from whatever the local hard family is called.
B. No mate, sorry, I’m just…I’m not a student or anything but…
2. Do you think you’re better than me/everyone in the pub?
A. I told you, I’m mates with your Darren and I’m going to take him for a pint when he gets out of the nick.
B. No, mate, not at all, I think there has been some sort of misunderstanding or something…do you want a kettle chip?
3. Do you support (insert local football team name)?
A. Yeah, I go every week. When I’m not knocking off post offices that is.
B. I’m more of a cricket fan to be honest.
If you answered mostly As then you’re sound mate. Have you got a pint? There’s one in the pipe for you and I’ll be sure to pass your regards onto our Darren next time he calls on his mobile from prison.
If you answered mostly Bs then it appears you have some sort of a problem. You’ll have to take our next test, ‘Do you want to take this outside, pal?’ and possibly the following one ‘Where am I and why does it smell of hospitals?’.