Christmas cracker jokes for Brexiters

ARE you sick of pathetic Christmas cracker jokes that don’t support Brexit? Just print out these gags and slip them inside normal crackers for some Brexmas hilarity.

Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering?
A: Usually ‘a nervous wreck’ but hopefully a thieving French fisherman who’s been fishing in our waters and has rightfully been sunk by the Royal Navy.

Q: Why did the unelected EU bureaucrat piss the bed?
A: Because he was Jean-Claude Drunker.

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. Luckily it’s a Wetherspoons and the Irishman and the Scotsman get some sense talked into them about the corrupt protection racket which is the EU.

Q: Who delivers presents to cats at Christmas?
A: Probably an Eastern European working for Amazon who should sod off and let British people have a job.

Q: How many members of the metropolitan liberal elite does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two – one to hold the stepladder and one to screw the indigenous white working class.

Darth Vader the Brexiter says to Luke Skywalker “I know what you’re getting for Christmas”. Luke says “How?”. And Darth says, “I got you a Keep Calm and Carry On mug.”

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A: An excellent example of trading opportunities after Brexit with Anglosphere nations like Australia.


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Geordies remind Northerners they're actually Southerners

THE inhabitants of Newcastle have reminded Northerners that they are soft Southerners who wear coats in winter and know about pesto.

Newcastle’s observations throw into doubt decades of boasting by Yorkshire and Lancashire that their cities are the last word in grit, grimness and crap weather.

Leading geordie Roy Hobbs said: “Sorry to shatter your illusions but you’re 150 miles from the proper North. You may as well be having ballet lessons in Cheltenham.

“You think your accents are coarse and incomprehensible? Bollocks. You could be reading the news on Radio 4. Not like us, who sound as if we’re trying to swallow mugs of hot tar while we’re talking.

“Our industries collapsed before yours did, our whippets are thinner than yours and we’ve got weirder unhealthy things in our chip shops, like eggs deep-fried in cheese.”

Hobbs confirmed that a recent drop in temperatures to below zero meant he would be dispensing with his winter t-shirt and going bare-chested to avoid feeling “hot and sticky”.

He added: “We are Newcastle, and we are the ultimate North. Well, apart from Scotland, who we’re a bit scared of.”