Presents reveal no-one in family knows each other

A FAMILY has passed another year without bothering to get to know one another well enough to buy suitable presents.

The O’Connor family have succeeded in maintaining a level of intimacy similar to that you develop with someone you get chatting to in a long queue at the post office.

Oliver, 34, said: “The family WhatsApp only really gets used to share news of who has died. Unfortunately this also means we can only think to give each other things like Boots gift cards.

“My sister gave me a truckle of stilton this year which I sense was a leftover from some of her corporate gifting, given that I’ve got a serious dairy allergy.”

Lucy O’Connor, 32, said: “I had a baby this year and I saw it as a chance for our family to build bonds beyond managing to remember each other’s names.

“However, my parents gave me a wooden doorstop for Christmas so I don’t think we’ll ever be close.”

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Gran still believes a fiver is a decent gift

A BRITISH grandmother remains convinced that £5 is still a reasonable Christmas present for her adult grandchildren.

Margaret Gerving, who has a large pension and is the only member of her family to own property outright, is certain that five British pounds is an astronomically generous gift.

Gerving said: “I only have three grandchildren, so I can splash out a little more. My friend Susan has six in total, so she can only give hers a pound coin each.”

Mrs Gerving, who enjoys regular Saga cruises and is a member of her local golf club, is well-aware of the realities of modern life.

“Things have definitely changed since I was young. I used to get a half-crown and embroidered handkerchief from my grandmother, who was born in 1882.

“My grandchildren are always moaning about things like how their wages haven’t kept up with the price of property, so I know my gift will be a big help.

“What would I like? Oh, just something small like a bottle of Macallan 25-year-old single malt, please.”