'Well they're not social distancing' says dad during every Christmas film

A DAD has decided to make comments about recent public health regulations during every Christmas movie.

Martin Bishop’s family are unsure whether he is merely cracking the same ‘joke’ about social distancing repeatedly or criticising the behaviour of pre-Covid fictional characters. 

Son Ryan said: “Dad first mentioned the lack of social distancing during Elf. I thought he was joking, because shortly afterwards he said ‘elf and safety’.

“I managed a weak laugh, but it didn’t stop there. He was very vocal about transmission rates in It’s a Wonderful Life

“He even said the R rate would be ‘exploding’ in The Muppet Christmas Carol, despite most of the cast being puppets made of felt.

“The only movie he’s let slide so far is Die Hard. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the ventilation shafts Bruce Willis crawls through are probably filled with airborne viruses.”

After thumbing through the Christmas Radio Times, Bishop now intends to address the issue of whether the characters in Shrek are breaking the rules on support bubbles. 

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Elderly parent helps out by washing up immediately next to dishwasher

AN elderly parent is helping at Christmas by doing the washing up while standing three feet away from a dishwasher. 

Susan Traherne entered her adult daughter’s kitchen, spotted a large pile of unwashed dishes, sighed, rolled up her sleeves and started long-sufferingly and needlessly scrubbing. 

She said: “Who Kerry thinks is going to do all these dishes I don’t know. The washing-up fairy? 

“I suppose she has put us up for three days, and done all the cooking, and given us her bedroom and that, so I don’t mind doing my share. Though why she can’t wash up as she goes I’ll never understand. 

“Surely they can hear me clinking around in here. I’m surprised nobody’s come to help. Kerry? Kerry?

“Dishwasher? What dishwasher? Well I didn’t know, I thought it was a cupboard. If you want to help get that tea towel and start doing some drying.”