A MAN with a sexual proclivity for socks is eagerly anticipating Christmas Day, which for him is the horniest 24 hours of the year.
Martin Bishop, 48, has been sexually aroused by the foot garments since he was a teenager and discovered the firm erotic grip of a nice warm sock.
Bishop said: “There’s something about a comfortable sock which makes me go hard as a steel piston. Put a foot in there and I am frothing at the mouth.
“Due to lazy present-buying, Christmas Day is wall-to-wall socks. It might as well be an orgy as far as I am concerned. So little blood goes to my brain I’ve almost passed out by the time the turkey’s ready.
“Knowing I’m inevitably going to be given at least three pairs is enough to keep me awake until then, furiously masturbating every night over patterned men’s ones, hunky, athletic sports socks, you name it.
“I don’t care if I get stupid novelty socks. They still give me an uncontrollable boner and I’m not ashamed to say I have spilled my seed over Wallace and Gromit.”
Bishop’s mother Wendy said: “Whenever a family member moans about getting a pair of socks, Martin snatches them off them, tells the relative not to be ungrateful and starts frantically licking his lips like Gollum, which can be unsettling.
“Yes, he’s a disgusting little pervert I’m ashamed to call my son. But on the other hand he is very easy to buy Christmas presents for.”