Woman who insists on twerking, and other show-offy twats who flock to the centre of the dance floor

THERE’S always one dickhead at a party who wants to demonstrate they can throw some shapes. Here are some of the types who gravitate to the centre of a dance floor.

Woman who insists on twerking

Twerking can be a wonderful and freeing expression of uninhibited sexuality. However, this woman is not Cardi B or Lizzo, she’s someone who has spent too much time on YouTube and is now jiggling erratically around like she’s trying to scratch a hard-to-reach itch without using her hands.

Man staggering around with a pint

The unshakeable confidence of the man and his pint has a certain allure. His shoes are slippery with spilt Stella and it’s a miracle he’s standing, yet he is owning that dance floor. Unfortunately it won’t be long until he pukes on it, and ruins everyone else’s evening.

Woman who trained as a dancer

Maybe you’re just jealous of her talent, but this woman’s precisely choreographed routine to Rihanna’s Umbrella reeks of narcissism. She’s doing the sort of graceful leaps you’d usually only see at the ballet, but combining them with street dance moves, and she looks amazing. Everyone claps while secretly hating her.

Man who does the worm

While the worm looks good, it takes up an awful lot of space, so this guy has relegated everyone else to the edges of the dance floor while he flops around like a seal having an aneurysm. It gets boring very quickly, as he finds out when a pissed up lad trips over his feet and threatens to lamp him.

Musical theatre enthusiast

This young man has seen Hamilton seven times and been in an amateur production of Rent, and he’s step-ball-changing his way all around the dance floor to prove it. If he has any friends with him then you should probably leave now, before you murder them all for being so insufferably dickish and annoying.

Woman who knows the steps to everything

Saturday Night? The Macarena? Agadoo? The Time Warp? If a song has steps, this woman knows them. Which is fine when she’s doing them by herself, but when she attempts to make you sit down on a sticky, dirty floor to do the rowing dance to Oops Upside Your Head, you are well within your rights to tell her to get f**ked.

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Prince William known as 'One Pint Willy' because his penis fills a pint pot

THE Prince of Wales is nicknamed ‘One Pint Willy’ because his genitalia are so large they exactly fill a pint glass, a family member has revealed.

Mike Tindall, who is the envy of the crowned heads of Europe because he is banging our only hot Royal, let the future King’s nickname slip entirely by accident on a podcast.

He continued: “People think it’s because he can’t take his drink, but that’s not it at all. He’s a proper boozer and doesn’t even break the seal until six pints in.

“And that’s about when he does his party trick by putting his empty glass under the table, unzipping and bringing it out absolutely packed to the brim with his cock and balls. It’s a showstopper.

“Works best in one of those dimpled pint glasses with a handle, but he’s got the length to do it in an imperial one, the Hoegaarden type, the lot. Hilarious every time.

“Sometimes he’ll arrive home with his cock and balls out but in a glass, hoping the taxi driver hasn’t noticed, then clinks it so Kate looks down. Cracking sense of humour on the girl. Last time he did it she came out the kitchen with a hammer.”

A Palace spokesman said: “If Prince Harry had revealed this, it would be a slap in the face the monarchy would be lucky to survive. But because we did it, it’s fine.”