WOLVES are furious at being depicted on tat including poor quality fleece jackets and cheap t-shirts, it has emerged.
They're edgy and cool
The lupine carnivores are now threatening to bite more hikers if wolf imagery doesn’t start getting used on nice things.
Alpha male wolf Tom Logan said: “Somehow our species has become synonymous with tasteless rubbish.
“Walk around any provincial market and you’ll see black t-shirts with a horrible airbrushed design of some wolf howling at the moon, probably with the slogan ‘Call of the Wild’ or some faux-Native American bollocks about how you can’t eat money.
“I’d like to see us on something cool. How about Manolo Blahnik shoes with wolves on the heels? That could work, if it was done right.
“Or a cashmere polo neck with wolves all over it. I’ve got loads of ideas, if I wasn’t out hunting all the time I’d do them myself.”
She-wolf Emma Bradford said: “I quite like Cath Kidston, maybe she’d do a wolf-pattern apron.
“As a wolf I don’t normally wear clothes but a nice feminine apron, fashionable but not intimidatingly trendy, would be handy for keeping my pelt free of gore while I’m tearing at the steaming innards of an elk.”