Commuters switching to foreign trains

UK workers  finding their commute is quicker and pleasanter if they go via mainland Europe.



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'Builder's tea' is annoying people's top drink

SO-CALLED builder’s tea is the refreshment of choice among people who are irritating, it has emerged.

Research by the Institute for Studies found that 83% of annoying individuals enjoyed ‘builder’s tea’, which is indistinguishable from tea.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It’s normal tea with an ironic veneer, for Guardian fans who want to sound like they’re ‘close to the masses’.

“Requesting ‘builder’s tea’ also highlights a nauseating level of self-awareness, letting other nearby ponces know that you are clever and don’t normally stoop to unhealthy things like milk and sugar.

“We interviewed a number of builders and not one of them was aware that such a thing as builders’ tea existed. Again, they just call it tea.

“Because that’s what it fucking is. Tea.”

Architect Tom Logan said: “After a heavy night drinking three or four glasses of wine, there’s nothing like a piping hot cup of builder’s tea with a good old working class al fresco brunch.

“Often I’ll head down to my local worker’s cafe, Imbibendis on Islington High Street, for some cockney-style banter about new media trends with my ‘muckers’ who work in brand awareness.

“Although funnily enough we had some tradesmen in last week and when I asked those salt-of-the-earth blokes how they took their builder’s tea they completely ignored me and didn’t make eye contact for the rest of the day.

“What a sad indictment of modern state education, that they don’t understand basic English.”