Food parcels being taken by bankers dressed in tracksuit bottoms

BANKERS are dressing themselves up as poor people so they can help themselves to emergency food parcels.

Charities said they became aware of the scam after noticing that several of the outstretched hands at their depots were attached to wrists wearing a Phillipe Patek watch.

Banker Martin Bishop said: “It’s free so I want it. I will then sell it to a poor person who cannot get emergency food parcels because there are none left.

“Because of me.”



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Army chiefs blasted over Hello Kitty contract

RETIRED army officers set up a controversial deal to supply the Royal Marines with £40 million-worth of Hello Kitty accessories.

The former officers exploited their connections in the trinket industry to provide regiments with stationery sets, diaries and purses.

But Joseph Turner, of Jane’s Defence Weekly, said: “Although charming, a Hello Kitty tricycle offers almost no protection against a 2,000lb roadside bomb packed with ball bearings.”

Royal Marine Tom Logan added: “On our last tour of Helmand Province we got sent a crate of DVDs called Hello Kitty and Friends. The lads thought it might be porno, but it turned out to be about a small white cat and a rabbit having an adventure in space.”