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Friday, 6th February 2026
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Hair transplant transforms Rooney into thuggish, foul-mouthed user of prostitutes, with hair

 

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Universities failing to raid homes of people who are just studying there

Home secretary tells colleges to drop all this Brideshead nonsense and be more like the police or MI5.

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  1. Transcript of a press conference about whether President Trump sharted, 5-2-26
  2. A 20p banana: six sex toys for every budget, with the Mash sex columnist
  3. Your astrological week ahead for January 31st, with Psychic Bob
  4. The Archbishop of Canterbury on… could people be scared because you won't stop scaring them, Suella?
  5. Come with me as I categorise offal, with Gary Barlow
  6. This week in Mash History: Entire nation enraptured by traitors in Scottish castle, 1567
  7. Your astrological week ahead for January 24th, with Psychic Bob
  8. The Archbishop of Canterbury on… shafting Andy Burnham, another brilliant vote-winning Labour idea
  9. A white home counties roadman suffers da rank consequences of misrememberin' peng gyal's birthday
  10. A confused millennial tries to… accept he's nearly 40
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