LADY Gaga is to make a series of unwatchable films before devouring an international cricketer on live television.
In her new ‘performance concept’ the singer will ‘become’ Elizabeth Hurley by divesting herself of all discernible talent and making three films where she will basically play herself, very badly.
She will then buy a yak farm near Cirencester and if, at any time, the media tires of the ‘concept’ she will run around shouting: “Look at me in my bra and pants!”
After a high profile romance with a badly-chinned Englishman she will hunt down and capture Kevin Pietersen and then dress him like a girl. And in a thrilling climax she will finally slaughter and eat him live on the QVC shopping channel.