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Unease as Jamie Oliver becomes most sensible person in country

BRITAIN was today coming to terms with the possibility that Jamie Oliver is the only person currently making any sense.

As MPs indulged in a made-up argument about Europe and Mervyn King threw your money in a bin, Oliver once again chastised the government for not feeding children properly and, to the deep unease of everyone in the country, backed his argument with science.

Slamming about 22 kilograms worth of research on the table, the celebrity chef said that well-nourished children concentrate better and are healthier, while millions of worried people tried their best not to admit he was obviously correct.

Oliver, who now also writes a column for the Daily Mail, then pointed out that if children eat some vegetables at lunchtime they might not need a gastric band and a truck full of diabetes medicine by the time they turn 30.

Roy Hobbs, a father of three from Hatfield, said: “I like Jamie Oliver’s recipes but I simply cannot deal with him being our most sensible human.

“It bodes ill.”

A petition has now been launched on the Downing Street website calling for absolutely anyone else to think about a serious issue and try and do something about it as quickly as possible.

Helen Archer, a mother of two from Stevenage, added: “My fat kids are full of sugar and really, really stupid.

“They have the attention span of… I see that that girl from ‘Downton’ has been mouthing off about good manners.

“Stuck-up bitch.”