Recession ended by virgin sacrifice

THE ritual sacrifice of 23 virgins to the evil Old Gods controlling the economy has ended the UK recession.

Bank of England governor Mervyn King said: “They didn’t want quantitative easing – they wanted blood.

King personally slew the virgins at a ceremony in a Somerset long barrow.

As the last drop of blood drained into a goblet, the sky turned purple and it began to rain money.