Ulrika showing signs of age

Effects of Swedish weather lady’s eventful life visible in recent appearance.


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Zuckerberg to basically live in your house

THE new Facebook App Store will provide a bewildering number of ways in which Mark Zuckerberg can move in with you, it has emerged.

Alongside the usual opportunities to blithely volunteer your most intimate details to strangers, Facebook’s new features will allow Mark Zuckerberg to live in your home and help with critical decisions such as which colour you paint the kitchen.

Zuckerberg will also have the option to lie in your bed between you and your partner, loudly and tunelessly humming the theme to Dawson’s Creek.

Technology expert Nikki Hollis praised the variety of ingenious ways in which the app store will allow Mark Zuckerberg to intrude.

She said: “One lets you set a place for Mark Zuckerberg at the head of the dinner table.

“Another allows Mark Zuckerberg to decide you and your partner’s monthly love-making schedule.

“Not all the Apps are Zuckerberg-centric though. This one recommends movies you might want to watch – like The Social Network, the stirring true story of how a humble genius became a Christ-like figure.”

A Facebook spokesman said: “Some people find the idea of Mark Zuckerberg living in your spare room horrifying. And so do we.

“He’s a very important guest, and if he ever did grace you with his presence, he’d expect to sleep in your room, or at least a specially-built annex that is superior to the rest of your home.

“And you should get a new computer. You can’t expect Mark  to work his era-defining  magic on your knackered Dell.”