Saturday, 8th May 2021

36 heroic Englishmen die of exposure in beer gardens

DOZENS of brave Britons have perished in noble and gallant service to their country by getting hammered in beer gardens. 

Braving blizzards and sub-zero temperatures, the heroes were not deterred and did what England expected by heading to hostelries to toast the easing of lockdown restrictions.

Joe Turner, who survived Arctic conditions in the beer garden of The Red Lion, said: “I was lucky enough to escape with only hypothermia and severe frostbite. What a session though.

“We saw it as our patriotic duty to sink those pints, come hail or sleet or now. It was bitterly cold but we were undeterred.

“By 3pm, two of us had been hospitalised and my mate Roy was face down on the table dead, his body unable to take the strain of the elements, but I’m proud to say he died having got his round in.”

He added: “36 bold men and women succumbed to the weather and perished, yes, but they will not be forgotten. We’re meeting to drink to their memories at 12pm sharp.”