Britain still best in world for lager, gravy consumption

BRITAIN is still the best country in the world for consuming lager and gravy, with the average adult putting away eight pints of each per week. 

The UK has far outstripped rivals, with many countries guzzling less than a pint of either liquid staple per week or even falsely claiming it to be ‘unhealthy’.

A spokesman for the UK Food Council said: “We don’t think our lead is actually as commanding as it seems. There’s no way Italy can survive on that little gravy.

“But nonetheless, we’re still well ahead of the pack when it comes to a pint of lager and a pint of gravy.

“It remains one of the few things that truly binds Britain together; whether in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland or Wales, go to any pub and ask for their cheapest lager and brownest gravy to be welcomed with open arms.”

Bill McKay of Crewe said: “Lager. Gravy. Gravy. Lager.

“It’s no use. I just can’t choose between them.”