PEOPLE turning 40 are being warned that hangovers now include a distressing mid-life crisis that could last for years.
Symptoms include headache, nausea and a dreadful suspicion that you have irredeemably fucked up your life.
Marketing manager Donna Sheridan said: “After getting shitfaced I woke up not only with a splitting head but also a deep sense of depression that I’d never been up in a hot air balloon.
“Then when I was looking for the paracetamol I realised I’m single and live in a rented flat whereas my friend Lucy runs her own business, has two lovely children and plays tennis. Even her fucking dog is cute.
“I’ve had hangovers before but I’ve never wanted to throw up because I’ve never been to Vietnam.
“I’m never going to drink again. Except maybe a couple of glasses of wine tonight so I don’t feel so ill while I write a document called ‘Life Plan: A Fresh Start’.”
Dr Tom Booker said: “My advice is to drink lots of water and concentrate on friends who are less successful than you, if you can think of any.”