CELEBRATING good news by drinking alcohol always ends up blotting out the good news with the effects of alcohol, researchers have confirmed.
Studies of more than 200 weddings, graduations and after-work drinks following a promotion proved that the drift from happy occasion to tears, recriminations and fights is as unstoppable as gravity.
Recently engaged Tom Logan said: “After an incredibly romantic moonlit proposal on the beach, my new fiancee and I had a celebratory bottle of champage which turned into three bottles with Jägerbomb chasers.
“Within an hour we were locked in a blazing row about whether her mum would be singing the Titanic song at the ceremony and why couldn’t I pick that nice Ethan as my best man instead of Big Dog Stu.
“She stormed off and snogged a waiter and I went out and crashed a Segway into a tree. It took us two days of sifting sand to find the engagement ring.
“We’d been so happy and neither of us really cared about that stuff, but booze has an insidious way of making the most joyful of situations into a drunken row.”
He added: “Alcohol-free wedding? Are you fucking joking? It’s a celebration.”