Tuesday, 26th January 2021

Craft beer drinker experiencing pretentious hangover

A MAN who only drinks craft beer is suffering from a hangover he considers superior to one caused by mass-produced beer.

Graphic designer Tom Booker is feeling terrible after nine pints of artisanal beer, but feels he is having a richer ‘feeling like shit’ experience than undiscerning drinkers.

Booker said: “My hangover is very dry on the palate, with notes of bile, unbrushed teeth and 12 Marlboros. There’s also a lingering throbbing in my right temple, and my stomach appears to have very strong carbonation.

“You just don’t get this quality of hangover from less expensive commercial lagers. As I was retching into the toilet bowl this morning I got a wonderful callback of lychee from the BrewDog ‘Punk IPA’.

“On the back end there are some really interesting sensations of fear, regret and general worthlessness, with a real note of unexplained guilt cutting through.

“I’d better go now as I think my bowels are about to explode again, but at least there’ll be a subtle hint of caramel and coriander.”