WHENEVER a group of diners decide to pay for exactly what each has consumed it is because one of the group got f**king wrecked, it has been confirmed.
The theory was proven at D’Agostino’s in Reading last night when six friends who normally ‘just split it’ turned into forensic accountants at the sight of the bill, except for the smashed one.
Attendee Emma Bradford said: “Ordering drinks is basically an exercise in conformity worthy of psychological study; the first person’s booze-or-not decision sets the pattern for the table.
“We were all on soft drinks until Tom confidently asked for a large glass of Merlot, and we all started mentally calculating the cost and how to claw it back through pricier mains and breadsticks.
“But the cheeky prick didn’t stop there. ‘Another glass, please.’ ‘A G&T, please.’ Who does this wanker think he is, going into a restaurant and ordering whatever he fancies?
“Pretty soon we realised there was no way we could cover our losses through desserts or the charcuterie board. We’re all familiar with the sunk cost fallacy. Fern called for the bill and, steely-eyed, said ‘How about we all just pay for what we had?’ to assenting murmurs.
“Tom mumbled something how it’d be easier to split it, feeling the shadow of the axe even before his came to £68. Took the shine off his happy drunk. Serve him right.”
Manager Carlo Gremo said: “The drunk one always goes quiet, then offers to sort it out ‘on Revolut tomorrow’. But tomorrow, it never comes.”
