Five budget whiskies that tell your dad it hasn’t been the best year for you financially

EVERY dad likes whisky. That’s just a fact. But whisky is also a great way of telling your dad that things haven’t worked out how you hoped cashwise and even securing a small loan. 

These brands are a caring, subtle way to tell your father that you’re on the outside edge of your overdraft and are considering payday lenders:

Grant’s – A blended whisky favoured by those unafraid to mix it with a full can of full-strength Coke, Grant’s forcefully announces that destitution is only a short step away.

Bell’s – You had such high hopes for me, dad. I hate to let you down. So this bottle of Bell’s – not even a litre – must say what I can’t, which is that I’m unable to pay the rent for the third month running.

Teacher’s – There are pubs, and there are rough pubs, and there are pubs with dogs on the roof that sell Teacher’s for £2 a shot. A single sip will vividly bring the image of you, in one of these pubs, with the locals, to your dad’s mind’s eye. His wallet should open shortly after.

Sainsbury’s Basics Scotch – “It’s actually a decent drop,” you say, eyes bulging with despair. Later you demonstrate how far you’ve sunk by adding water to it in a pathetic pretence of sophistication. If he doesn’t offer help, beg.

Ice tea in a Jura 12-year-old bottle – Dad will put this away for later, because it’s too good to open at Christmas while everyone’s got a ruined palate. While he’s doing that go through his wallet and run.