MINDFUL that there are only 55 hours to go before the first gig of the Oasis reunion, a man has started on pre-drinks this afternoon.
Steve Malley, aged 49 and the proud holder of two tickets for the opening Cardiff concert which brings the brothers back together for the first time in 16 years, is already three Stellas in and singing early B-side D’Yer Wanna Be a Spaceman to his office.
He continued: “They won’t play that of course. It’ll be the rockers. The hits. The classics that united a generation. Oh, didn’t see you there boss, want a can?
“Yeah, there’s no way I’d be able to get drunk enough to honour the occasion at the Millennium Stadium with the queues and the prices, so I’m starting now and powering through. I think we can agree this is more important than work! The Gallaghers! Back!
“I’ll be spending tonight and tomorrow in the pub, I’ll maintain my buzz through the day and only get more pissed during lunch as a compromise, then noon Friday I’ll simply f**k off and roam the city in a mad frenzy of lager, loutishness and bellowing Wonderwall.
“By the time we’re in my blood alcohol ratio should be about 1:1 and I’ll be nothing but a gibbering mess under a bucket hat, waiting for Rock ’N’ Roll Star to blow away my every accumulated unhappiness since 1996 and make me young again with hair.”
Employer Hannah Tomlinson said: “I’d argue, but I spent a week pissed building up to Beyoncé.”
