A MAN who has been consistently pissed for the last fortnight is on the brink of a truly catastrophic hangover.
Roy Hobbs marched straight out to support his local by drinking a few pints when it reopened its doors on April 12th, but has now been completely trolleyed for more than two weeks and is on the verge of the most momentous hangover in human history.
Mr Hobbs said: “It was only meant to be a couple with some mates. Relaxed, in a beer garden, celebrating the end of lockdown.
“But it seemed selfish to restrict our business to one pub, so we did a few, then a few more, and now a fortnight’s gone by and I’ve been smashed the whole time and I’m not ready for what’s next. My head hurts just thinking about it.
“I’ve had some hangovers in my time but I think this could be the big one. A pint of water and two paracetamol won’t isn’t going to save me this time.
“The prudent option seems to be to keep drinking until the next lockdown’s declared. Even then I might just drink further and further north until I’m over the Scottish border where they’ll stay open.”
Hobbs then fell asleep with his head on the table, oblivious to the cataclysmic gathering storm in his head.