Monday, 19th April 2021

Petty bastard looking forward to the round you owe him

A PENNY-PINCHING bastard of a mate is looking forward to pubs reopening so he can collect on that pint you owe him from 2020.

James Bates has not forgotten that he bought you a pint of IPA for £4.05 on Saturday March 7th last year, and is patiently waiting for that debt to be paid when pubs open their doors on April 12th.

He said: “Yeah, pretty convenient that you ducked out of our last session early just before a pandemic and lockdown began, wasn’t it? Almost like you knew.

“Then last summer you apparently couldn’t repay the favour because you were shielding a vulnerable relative which I think we both knew was an excuse.

“I bet you thought all this unprecedented times business, the biggest disruption to our lives we’ve ever known and all that, would make me forget something as trivial as a pint. Think again.

“I’ve been keeping a beady eye on the news, and it’s now a matter of months until you’re getting the beers in. The date’s circled on my calendar with a big red marker pen. And in the circle, I’ve written BEER.”

He added: “I’m looking at a pint on Google Images now. It’s going to taste sweet.”