ANYONE wishing to get utterly shitfaced this weekend should not forget to put the clocks forward for beer o’clock, the government has advised.
Britons can make the most of an extra hour of drinking – or more – by simply changing the time at which they consider it acceptable to start getting pissed.
A government spokesman said: “From now on beer o’ clock will be earlier to reflect the changing face of modern, recreational, borderline-alcoholic Britain.
“There’s no actual official time for beer o’clock, so on Saturday it could start as early as 10am. It just depends how much of an alkie you want to look.”
Helen Archer of the CBI said: “Allowing workers to start drinking earlier will cost the economy billions. But that’s just theory. In reality there will be a massive boost to the drinks industry and sales of extra large doner kebabs with everything.
“To be honest I don’t care. I’m just counting down the seconds until I can go home and get stuck into a wine box.”
Office worker Tom Logan said: “Our boss has decided to permanently change beer o’clock from 5pm sharp to 11am. It’s a much simpler system, although it’s hard to do work when you can barely stand up.”