POUNDLAND is closing 68 stores, leaving many Britons bereft without their beloved cheap shit retailer. They share their moving stories of how Poundland touched their lives:
‘Poundland Mintoes saved my life’
Tom Logan, Nuneaton: ‘I love Mintoes, which Poundland sells for a whole 3p less than Asda. And when I fell into an isolated ravine and broke both legs, they were all I ate for 22 days before I was rescued. The doctors said these buttery-yet-minty sweets provided just enough calories to stop my system failing, so I literally owe Poundland my life.’
‘I proposed to my girlfriend after a Bombay Bad Boy’
Jordan Gardner, Cheam: ‘My local Poundland finally made me propose to the love of my life, Annie. I wanted to do it over her favourite meal and Poundland had Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boys for £1. I was nervous as I poured the boiling water up to the fill lines after removing the sachets, but it gave me the confidence to ask her to marry me. Admittedly she said no, but I enjoyed my Pot Noodle.’
‘Poundland taught me the meaning of “false economy”’
Emma Bradford, Solihull: ‘£1 for headphones? It seemed too good to be true. Within minutes I was grinding my teeth in frustration at tinny sound with no audible bass and a constant hiss. As I paid £20 for a Panasonic pair from a real shop I realised I had learned a valuable lesson: you gets what you pays for. Thank you, Poundland, for this wisdom.’
‘Because of Poundland I am a successful marine biologist’
Ellie Shaw, Bondi: ‘I’m a marine biologist who has an enviable globe-trotting career, and it all began aged four when my dad bought me a Poundland wind-up toy shark. It broke immediately, due to being a pound, but my passion for marine life had begun. I’ve discovered a new species of shark which I’ve named – what else? – Carcharodon Poundlandius.’
‘Poundland stopped me being a virgin’
Wayne Hayes, Airdrie: ‘Aged 35 I’d given up hope of ever having sex, until desperate for sensation I tried Poundland’s £1 Radox Feel Active shower gel. I’d always wondered what ‘showers’ were for, and it turned out washing got rid of my stomach-turning tramp-like smell. I’ve had sex several times now, and it was highly enjoyable every time. It’s no exaggeration to say I would die for Poundland.’
‘I am an Olympic ring toss champion, thanks to Poundland’
Martin Bishop, Slough: ‘Like every child I dreamt of becoming a ring toss champion, but could never afford expensive rings and stakes. That’s until the Poundland Kids Ring Toss Game for just £1.60. I honed my skills until I won gold at the Beijing Olympics and now my life is a magical whirl of sponsorships, steroids and gold-diggers. But I don’t agree with Poundland products being more than a pound because that’s a dirty con trick.’
‘I remember my late father with a Poundland four-way adapter’
Nicola Hollis, Bournemouth: ‘My father taught me so much: determination, kindness, where to buy cheap Chinese electrical goods. He passed away in 2016 years ago, but whenever I look at his four-way plug adapter the joyful memories come flooding back. His cause of death? Electrocution. The precise circumstances are unclear.’
