The five best low-alcohol wines that aren’t as good as drinking a bottle of Calpol

EVERYONE knows drinking wine under 11% is a waste of time. Here are five great wines to try, but if there’s a bottle of Calpol knocking around you should probably go for that instead.

First Cape Sparkler made with Sauvignon blanc

At only 5.5% you’d have to drink at least three bottles to get yourself on the dance floor. Save yourself the hassle and trips to the toilet and knock back a bottle of Calpol in one go.

Torres Natureo Rosé 2013

With 0.5% alcohol you could inject it and still not get any kind of serious buzz. Probably better to cook up a shot of Calpol and watch the world go drifting by that way instead.

Dr Loosen Slate Hill Riesling

Stronger, but for £9 you’d hope to get more than a little tipsy, which at only 8.5% is all it will do. So why not make it into a glamorous cocktail with a few slugs of that delicious kids’ cough medicine Calpol?

GD Vajra Moscato d’Asti 2017

At nearly £20 a bottle from Harvey Nick’s for only 5.5% you’ll probably only see this at some sort of dinner party. Let the grown-ups waste their time on the pointless posh stuff while you rifle through the medicine cabinet for a bottle of the ‘pink fairy’.

Calpol Fortified Wine

At 18% with the warm fuzzy effects and delicious taste of Calpol this really is the finest thing you can drink. Sadly it does not exist, but if you drink enough Calpol and enough low alcohol wine it might just feel like it does.