A MASOCHIST has ordered a home delivery despite knowing full well he will not be in to receive the package.

BDSM enthusiast Stephen Malley ordered a new printer cartridge via a well-known online retailer, even though he knew he would be at work for the entire duration of the delivery slot.

He said “The thrill as I clicked ‘buy’ knowing there will be a pointless attempt to deliver the package while when any normal person is at work was akin to being handcuffed by a dominatrix.

“And then when I got home to discover the little card telling me I have to go to an inconveniently located depot to claim my purchase was like being spanked with a spiked leather bound paddle.

“I made it to the depot only to discover I’d forgotten my ID and would have to go all the way home and come back again. I ejaculated on the spot.”

He added: “I’m going to become a deliveryman. Imagine your entire life just being walking up to a door, ringing the bell, waiting a bit and then walking away having achieved nothing, completely humiliated.

“Jesus Christ almighty.”