THERE’S far to much telly and everyone’s always trying to talk to you about it. These 17 shows you’ll never get round to can be summed up as follows:
The Sopranos – Fat mob boss wears dressing gown, has mates with great names, ending was either genius or bollocks.
Succession – Excellent theme song followed by twats being twats to other twats, all of them rich, based on the Murdoch family about whom you don’t care.
Breaking Bad – Cancer-ridden teacher sells blue crystal meth with a lad clearly too old to be a teenager, following the rule of thumb that the balder Walt gets the more evil he is.
Mad Men – Advertising executive drama that’s cool as shit because everyone smokes and drinks like Wigan Working Men’s Club in the office during the day.
Lost – Cost a fortune to crash land a beautiful cast on an island that turns out to be up someone’s arse, for all the sense it ultimately made.
Game of Thrones – Fantasy epic with a cast so large you’re only just working out who someone is when they get killed, with gore, tits, dragons and a shite ending.
The X Files – 90s as f**k and not to be watched before bed, unless you want sex dreams about Scully that become nightmares about dated prosthetics.
The Handmaid’s Tale – A dystopian One Born Every Minute with more cloaks, hoods and public hangings.
Chernobyl – Spoiler alert, it doesn’t end well, and Trevor from Eastenders gets his knob out.
The West Wing – White House drama with busy people walking and talking through plotlines far less wildly imaginative than the Trump presidency.
The Wire – Baltimore crime epic with so much street drug slang that even now your mother refers to five-oh, the re-up, and burner phones.
Our Friends In The North – Five Geordies live through a dizzying array of major political issues over three decades, ending with car-twocking.
Peaky Blinders – Mumbling men in flat caps like it’s last orders in a rural pub, except they’re all gorgeous murderers.
The Walking Dead – Post-apocalpyse soap that, like its titular zombies, staggers on forever but is easily avoided.
Line of Duty – British cops pretend to be as thrillingly corrupt as American cops in long interrogation scenes where the best bit is changing the slides on a PowerPoint.
Deadwood – Western with mud, swearing, and Lovejoy being a right bastard but precisely no cowboys duel at high noon so f**k that.
The Crown – You’ve seen this one in real life and it’s no more interesting.