2000AD editor charged with mind-tapping

THARG, the Betelgeusian editor of sci-fi comic 2000AD, has been arrested for using his alien mind powers to get stories.

The green-skinned media veteran allegedly tapped the minds of numerous writers, using alien psychic abilities emanating from the ‘Rosette of Sirius’ on his forehead, to get storylines for Judge Dredd.

Tharg, full name Tharg the Mighty, said: “Tharg the Mighty does not need to drain the minds of mere earthlets.

“He has a highly efficient team of script droids producing thrills on a weekly basis.

“These allegations are a conspiracy by the Dictators of Zrag, who are working with grexnixes, nonscrots and others who are in no way zarjaz.”

A police spokesman said: “We have a list of former 2000AD writers who have felt Tharg psychically tapping their mental energies.

“This includes Alan Moore, Grant Morrison and other very grounded individuals with little or no drugs experience.”

Media lawyer Nikki Hollis said: “I have no idea what any of this means, but it all sounds deeply unsexy.”

 

 

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North Korea laughs off wrong flag gaffe

NORTH Korea has laughed off the mix-up which saw the South Korean flag accompany their women’s football team’s arrival at Glasgow’s Hampden Stadium.

Following the error, the North Korean coach stormed up to the stadium’s manager pretending to be furious. Met with a fumbling apology, he then started cracking up.

The game was subsequently delayed by an hour because everyone was laughing so hard.

An unnamed player said: “We came out onto the pitch, right, and someone says , are we playing South Korea then?! It was only then that I looked up and saw the wrong flag!

“It’s funny because we don’t even really like South Korea.”

North Korea’s economy is believed to be largely comedy-based, although the state is highly secretive because it does not want its jokes stolen by foreigners.

Its fun-loving cherubic dictator Kim Jong-un reportedly doubled up with laughter when told of the Olympic error.

Internationalist Tom Logan said: “Until now, Kim Jong-un’s sense of humour has remained somewhat mysterious. His father was a staunch comedy traditionalist who favoured Bernard Manning and Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown. But Jong-Un is really into that whole Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm thing of finding hilarity in very awkward situations.

“His people have adjusted their comedy sense accordingly.”

Logan added: “If there’s one lesson to be drawn from history, it’s that people really like to laugh about their nation’s flag. The annals of the past are stuffed with flag-based hyuks.”