20th anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer perfect time to admit it was a load of toss

TWENTY years on from the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, many of its viewers are ready to admit for the first time that it was nothing but toss. 

The show, about a vampire slayer at high school, is finally being recognised as exactly as bad as it initially sounds after two full decades of denial.

Fan Carolyn Ryan, aged 35, said: “I’ve got all the box-sets. I began a rewatch the other day. And… it’s toss, isn’t it? Start to finish.

“A schoolgirl who dresses like a streetwalker stumbling into different monsters every week, most of which are so badly realised they make Doctor Who look like an Attenborough documentary?

“And correct me if I’m wrong but if you’re meant to slay vampires but invariably end up having sex with them, I’m saying you’re shit at the job.

“I was 15 when it started, it’s not my fault. But still, I should have realised how irredeemably bollocks it was at least a decade ago.”

Ryan added: “Yes, even the musical episode.”

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Old woman in Tesco reduced section will drop you for 10p pack of sausage rolls

AN 79-YEAR-OLD in Tesco’s reduced section will end you if you get between her and a 10p pack of sausage rolls, she has confirmed.

Pensioner and food hoarder Mary Fisher considers the reduced section to be her territory and is more than happy to take down anyone who disagrees.

She said: “I don’t believe in out-of-date food and I don’t believe anything should cost more than ten bob and those beliefs meet here.

“So if you think you’re going to pick up that 24-pack of chicken dippers for 46p while I’m around, I’d advise you to think about how much you’d miss your front teeth.

“Single mums, refugees, don’t care. It is mine.”

Shelf-stacker Helen Archer said: “Technically, she shouldn’t be allowed to empty the entire section into her trolley every single night.

“But she’s an 79-year-old woman. She knows she’s not going to prison even if she hits you with a sock full of coins.”