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Last adult onesie destroyed in controlled explosion

THE last remaining all-in-one adult garment in the UK has been blown to smithereens in front of a cheering crowd.

Demolition experts were called in to deal with the former fashion item, using dynamite and shaped charges to safely destroy it without endangering an applauding audience wearing age-appropriate clothing.

Safety manager Roy Hobbs said: “Normally we deal with ugly, unwanted buildings that everyone’s decided should be erased as if they never existed, so we were the natural choice for this.

“And I have to say it’s a real honour to destroy this fleecy monstrosity which is a potent symbol of everything that was wrong with us back in 2012.

“It’s a powerful act, showing the world that we’ve turned our back on a shameful time when it was acceptable for a grown adult to wear a giant all-in-one like a crapping baby.”

He added: “Was there anyone in it when we blew it up? I don’t know. Does it matter?”

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Boss’s claim ‘we’re all mad here’ actually a cry for help

A BOSS who claimed in a job interview that everyone in the office was crazy was desperately asking for help, a new employee has discovered. 

Account manager Emma Bradford has found out that her line manager was neither joking or exaggerating when he said that her colleagues are battling serious psychological issues.

She said: “‘We’re all mad’ is just an office cliche like ‘we work hard and play hard’. All it means is that they wear the hats when they go to Chiquito.

“But within my first hour Darren from marketing had told me he was being watched by Mossad, Marie in payroll had set the photocopier alight and I’d found I wasn’t allowed any pens or pads in case I messed them up by using them.”

Boss Martin Bishop said: “We have a terrible, debilitating problem here but anytime I try and talk about it people just laugh and say ‘me too!’.

“I had high hopes that Emma could get us the help we need, but she didn’t listen. Nobody ever listens.”

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