94 per cent of DJs called Lee

NEARLY all DJs are called Lee, it has emerged.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We surveyed disc jockeys in clubs, bars and on local radio. Mostly they are blokes called Lee, although some of them are women called Lee.

‘Funky house’ DJ Lee Bannister said: “I’d never really thought about it. I’m not really a thinking type of person.

“I’m more into birds, cocaine and making pointing gestures in the air.”

Professor Brubaker said: “It’s hard to define what they have in common but there’s definitely a ‘Lee-ness’ about them.”

DJ Lee ‘Lee-Lee’ Lee has been described as the UK’s Lee-est DJ. He said: “It’s a versatile DJ name, it fits whether you’re playing deep house at a rave or spinning chart anthems to chubby hen parties munted on Jager bombs.

“My kids and my dogs are all called Lee too.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Britain not ready for another day off

WORKERS are dreading the prospect of another three-day weekend so soon after Easter.

The traditional May Day bank holiday has seen millions of employees vow to go into work anyway rather than spend another day at home.

GP Dr Tom Booker said: “A fortnight after the last one, the grating monotony of my job only just settling into my bones, and I’m expected to drop everything and do nothing? Again?

“I love a day off as much as anyone, but enough is enough.”

Account manager Emma Bradford agreed: “It’s just too soon.

“By scattering bank holidays across spring like confetti, the government is confirming the stereotype of Brits as shiftless, happy-go-lucky time wasters.

“What’s the matter with them? Do they think we don’t like work?”

Many have vowed to ignore the holiday, heading to the office to complete vital tasks like reading emails about optimising project workstreams.

Susan Traherne of Bedford said: “I, for one, won’t spend this bank holiday lying in bed all day watching repeats of Murder, She Wrote and finishing off the kids’ Easter eggs.

“But that’s because I work in a shop.”