THE new Harry Potter play will feature Harry’s time-wasting brother Geoff constantly coming round with some stupid problem or request, it has emerged.
Uncle Geoff is the latest character from Harry Potter and the Cursed Child to be announced, with his role expected to involve borrowing tools, outstaying his welcome and talking bollocks.
JK Rowling said: “Geoff’s a wonderful character, full of riddles and mysteries. Why has he been divorced four times? Will he ever return Harry’s hedge trimmer? Will he be staying all fucking afternoon?
“It’s Geoff who revives Voldemort and his army of Death Eaters while trying to open a tin of paint with Harry’s wand.
“He’s also the Potters’ last-resort babysitter, leading to Albus getting pissed on lager while Geoff self-pityingly tells him, ‘Don’t be like me, mate, do something with your life.’
“There’s also a fantastic scene where he fights a basilisk with a borrowed step-ladder.”
Rowling said she was now working on a series of ‘Geoff’ novels, starting with Uncle Geoff and the Request to Look After His Girlfriend’s Cat: Part 1.