MORE than two decades have passed since people knew what was at the top of the charts, experts have discovered.
The last commonly-recognised ‘Number One’ was Ace Of Base’s All That She Wants in June 1993.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Time was when not knowing what was number one was like not knowing it was raining.
“Nowadays it could be any maniac with a large, supportive family and an iTunes account. Last year 43-year-old Roy Hobbs topped the charts with a bossa nova track about igneous rock.
Plasterer Stephen Malley was number one for 105 consecutive weeks between 2007 and 2009 with a song about dogs, called Dogs.
However, this could not guarantee Malley a table at his local Pizza Express during busy periods.
He said: “I’m the modern king of pop, my single’s sold almost 6,000 fucking copies! But the only blowjob I’ve had is one that I paid for, and it cost me my entire Spotify royalty cheque.”
Professor Brubaker said: “Mr Malley shouldn’t take it personally. It’s not his fault we’re living in the most culturally barren century since the Dark Ages.”