André 3000’s album of flute solos, and other self-indulgent musical returns by artists who were once good

THE Outkast star is back with a head-scratching 90-minute instrumental woodwind album. Here are some other artists who have returned with truly dreadful music:

André 3000

Having gifted the phrase ‘shake it like a Polaroid picture’ to generations of karaoke fans, André Benjamin could have left the music scene forever and lived comfortably off his royalties. Instead he has returned with an album of ambient woodwind music, the tracks of which have titles like The Slang Word P(*)ssy Rolls Off The Tongue With Far Better Ease Than The Proper Word Vagina. Do You Agree?. It turns out fame does mess with your mind.

No Doubt

Once Gwen Stefani sold out with Japanese-inspired pop-rock, the world forgot she was a ska legend fancied by every basement-dwelling teen boy in the 90s. However, the solo songs about shit and bananas were a lot better than her 2012 reunion with those other three blokes from No Doubt, where they mixed outdated EDM beats with reggae in an ill-advised revamp that ended up making them sound even more middle-aged than they already were.

Pink Floyd 

Roger Water’s contribution to Pink Floyd’s lack of self awareness and pomposity was so massive that everyone expected the group to be better without him. Not true, as the 1987 record made by the remaining duo proved. A Momentary Lapse of Reason was an apt title, and the Floyd’s worst blip until Roger Waters decided to redo Dark Side this year, which makes their effort seem listenable after all.


After everyone got bored with Black Francis talking about aliens, he decided Pixies should re-introduce their avant-garde alt-rock in a time when everyone drank Monster energy drinks, dabbed, wore glow-stick sunglasses, and was unaware who wrote that Fight Club song. Despite the fact their only fans were stoners who preferred Kim Deal’s tracks anyway, Indie Cindy was a snooze-fest that was still too weird to appeal to anyone.

Take That

Having spent the early 90s as the biggest boyband in the world, Take That returned in 2006 as a resolutely middle-aged band, and have been releasing their stodgy, lumpen offerings ever since. Robbie Williams rejoined and left again, Jason Orange decided enough was enough and f**ked off forever, yet Gary, Mark and Howard continue, seemingly intent on boring us all until they’re old enough to draw their pensions.

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Doncaster celebrates 20 years of wine

DONCASTER is marking the 20th anniversary of wine being introduced to the city’s pubs, shops and supermarkets.

The city council approved the beverage for local people by a narrow majority in 2003, despite its fancy southern connotations. It has proved moderately successful, with Chardonnay the latest variety launched in 2021.

Pub landlord Tom Logan said: “I was as skeptical as anyone when it was brought in. I thought it was a drink for people that write poetry and go to France.

“We’ve sold the full range, still do, both red and white. But not the pink stuff. There are no homosexuals in Doncaster, so there’s no call for it.

“I was amazed at the effect that just four pints had on some of the punters. The brewery strongly suggested I stick to the recommended measurements, and after trying a couple of pints myself, I reluctantly agreed. For a pansy drink, it’s strong stuff.”

It is hoped by the wine industry that the success story of Doncaster will encourage other towns and cities in the north to take up wine as a beverage of choice.

However, Norman Steele, who runs the Crown and Sceptre in Macclesfield, said: “Over my dead body and the dead body of every other publican in Macclesfield. We’re not serving that effeminate piss.”