GUNS N’ Roses’ debut album has been named the greatest album ever by a judging panel tired of lying to themselves.
Appetite For Destruction, first released in 1987, has never won any Grammys or Ivor Novello awards but is, everyone might as well admit, far superior to anything that has.
Judge Helen Archer, part of a panel of industry executives and senior journalists, said: “We were talking about OK Computer, Highway 61 Revisited, Revolver, Astral fucking Weeks, all that unbearable crap, sick to our stomachs about what we’d become.
“One night, after a particularly difficult session of pretending to appreciate Kraftwerk, we hit the beers, then six bottles of Jack and a whole lot of cigarettes.
“The last thing I remember was air-soloing to Paradise City, though apparently after I’d blacked out I smashed every other album with a hammer and got this sweet G ‘N’ R tattoo.”
The general public greeted the award with nods of recognition and the admission that all other albums only exist to clear the palate between plays of this one.
Music fan Tom Logan said: “Personally, I feel the best album of all time is Miles Davis’s Bitches’ Brew.
“It’s innovative, challenges your expectations, doesn’t begin with a killer guitar riff and an unearthly scream, doesn’t tell cool posers to just fuck off and actually it’s shit isn’t it?