BALLBAG Explosion Ninja Die, a sequence of random acts of violence interwoven with toddlers uttering filth, is setting new box office records, it emerged last night.
The film, which has no connecting narrative, features nameless characters having their heads severed with a rusty scythe before a three year-old boy dressed as Hitler yells 'arse-bastards' at the camera and rips the legs off a toad.
The scene is followed by a pair of two year-old twin girls screaming 'cock-fucker' at each other against a backdrop of 16 nuns being cut in half from top to bottom by a vampire rock star wielding a six foot-long sword shaped like an erect penis ejaculating blood.
Screen writer Jane Goldman, wife of the jumped-up researcher Jonathan Ross, said: "I noticed that no-one under the age of 35 who's not gay leaves a cinema saying 'what an involving and original story'.
"They talk about the bits where someone's head explodes like a milkshake, or a gangster gets swallowed whole by a shark, then shat out and electrocuted before being fed into a threshing machine.
"And of course they also appreciate just how clever and witty it is to make little children swear, especially if it's cute swearing like 'c**tpuppy' or 'fuckmuppet'."
She added: "So there you go, a little glimpse behind the wizard's curtain."
A sequel Ballbag Explosion Ninja Die 1.2: Fuck Shit Chainsaw Wank, is already in the pipeline.
Producer Tom Logan said: "We're going to stay faithful to the vision of the original by making exactly the same film."
But reviewer Helen Archer said: "Ballbag Explosion is proof that we are so utterly deluged with cultural effluent that we will stare slack-jawed at anything, processing a stream of cinematic detritus as dumbly as an earthworm processes soil.
"So for that reason I'm only giving it four and a half stars out of five."
