Saturday, 8th May 2021

Bake Off unveils sacrificial hipster

CHANNEL 4 has unveiled this year’s Bake Off hipster, who will meet with a terrible fate.

‘Dan’, who has a beard, tattoos and a 'man bun', has been confirmed as this season’s sacrificial hipster who will leave the show in an ignominious and possibly gruesome manner.

A  Channel 4 spokesman said: “Somehow it’s become part of the The Great British Bake Off format that a hipster has to experience suffering. In fact, the cake stuff is secondary to that.

“Last year’s hipster had a bit of a meltdown and chucked his cake in the bin, but was never properly punished. So there’s a lot of bad hipster karma unaccounted for.

“We can’t tell you what happens to Dan, but a lot of those kitchen implements are very sharp and maybe that hat obscures his peripheral vision when he’s rushing around.”

Bake Off fan Emma Bradford said: “I’ve never met this man, but his tattoos and facial hair have made him a lightning rod for all my frustrations with the world.

“Perhaps he gets eaten by an oven. I would like that."