THE BBC is to compete with the revamped Dallas by reviving moderately popular 80s yacht construction soap opera Howards Way.
The producers have promised that the new series will retain much-loved elements of the original, such as discussions of carbon fibre versus balsa hulls, but also introduce 21st century issues like the internet and chlamydia.
Series producer Nathan Muir said: If theres one thing the British public can really relate to, its the construction process of yachts.
Who could forget the nail-biting drama of Tom Howard attempting to find financial backing for his catamaran design, or his wife Jan opening a boutique selling her own range of sailing wear?
Naturally we want to move with the times and add a gritty, urban edge, so Lenny Henry will play a funky harbour master who listens to Public Enemy.
Tom Howard will be played by Midsomer Murders star John Nettles, chosen for his ability to bring bland, unthreatening characters partially to life. Other casting will be confirmed once the producers have found enough extremely ordinary-looking actors.
TV viewer Nikki Hollis said: I used to love Howards Way. Youd go into school the next day and everyone would be talking about yawls and spinnaker sails.
38-year-old Tom Logan agreed: Ill never forget this show, because I used to masturbate furiously over the thought of Kate OMaras breasts. Oh, hang on, that was Triangle.
Similar plans to remake 80s Scottish village soap Take The High Road have been shelved after ITV executives lapsed into comas while discussing plotlines about shortbread.