THE BBC was handed a dictionary last night after using the world ‘talent’ to describe Richard Hammond.
Broadcasting executives inexplicably used the word to describe the Top Gear homunculus in response to mind-freezingly tedious newspaper revelations that people on the telly get paid a lot.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Famous people earn a lot of money. I get it. And I couldn’t really give a fuck.
“However I do object to the buggering of the English language that occurs when you describe Jeremy Clarkson’s impish handkerchief-carrier as being talented, potentially placing him in the same bracket as Leonardo Da Vinci or even the Krankies.”
BBC lawyer Nikki Hollis said: “Having just checked the dictionary, ‘talent’ translates roughly as a natural aptitude or skill, which Hammond does have, albeit for losing control of machinery.
“Incidentally, Graham Norton’s main talent is that if you feed him after midnight, he multiplies into lots of tiny malevolent Graham Nortons.”
License fee payer Emma Bradford said: “The BBC isn’t perfect but pretty much everything else on telly is shit.
“Except for Ice Road Truckers, of course.
“And at least they don’t seem to be giving that much money to Paddy McGuinness, whose mere presence reduces whatever he’s in to the level of foreign telly.
“Foreign telly. Brrrrr.”