BBC condemned for hiring part-time overnight cleaner who didn’t wear poppy

THE BBC is facing a storm of criticism for employing an overnight cleaner who did not wear a poppy.

42-year-old Norman Steele, a self-employed cleaner on a zero-hours contract with an outside agency, has prompted calls to abolish the licence fee for his brazen disrespect for Britain’s heroes.

A spokesman for the Society of Right Wing Newspaper Columnists said: “Once again, the BBC spits in the face of the people of Britain, who would never dream of insulting our war dead in this way.

“Steele’s deliberate gesture of contempt shows that the BBC is run by traitors who could therefore be executed. Possibly as early as next week.”

The spokesman added: “And what was he ‘cleaning’ from midnight to 4am anyway? Evidence of the BBC’s complicity in the Jimmy Savile cover-up, that’s what.”

Steele, who has been dismissed without a reference, said: “I was going to buy one next week. Because it’s still only October 22nd.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Man has seen all the big bands when they were unknown and shit

A ROCK fan has seen all of today’s top bands before they were famous or worth watching, he has confirmed.

Stephen Malley saw Radiohead when they were still called On A Friday, Blur when they were called Seymour and Suede when Justine Frischmann was a member, all of whom were unknown and unendurable.

He continued:”I’ve just got a knack for spotting the hot new acts before they’ve got any good songs, or instruments, or stage presence.

“Kasabian, Elbow, Disclosure, I’ve seen them all in tiny venues when all the things that would eventually make them hugely successful were not in the least apparent.

“Though I remember this young Irish band I saw in Derby in 1979, U2. Absolutely fucking awful, but even then you could tell it was the kind of fucking awful that would make them stars.”

Malley was introduced to the joys of live music by his father who saw The Silver Beatles on their 1960 tour of Scotland and described them as ‘piss’.