THE new chairman of the BBC is a violent criminal known as the Skull Cracker.
Following Lord Pattens departure, the Corporation insisted that viewers wanted violence and stupidity and that it was time to ‘stop dicking about’.
A spokesman added: We just thought fuck it.”
Mr Cracker said: Theres going to be shit loads of Danny Dyer. He is my David Attenborough.
The chairman immediately unveiled new prime-time programmes, including Strictly Come Getting Hit on the Head, MasterBastard and David Dimbleby Cries Like a Girl.
He added: Some people in the BBC may not want to work on a show called MasterBastard, but they will because Im not the Lets Have a Meeting Cracker.
Mr Cracker also revealed he will sack Jeremy Clarkson, insisting the BBC is no place for casual racism and I want to use his salary to buy a massive boat.
He continued: Its a shame Paxman has left Newsnight. I liked him. Anyway, Im going to replace him with my mate Dave. If Dave had been in the chair Michael Howard would have had one fucking chance to answer that question.
Mr Cracker said that Crimewatch will continue but with a radically different premise.