THE BBC has agreed to air a charity appeal for the stricken people of Gaza, as long as they can include a fraudulent phone-in contest, it emerged last night.
The Corporation is finalising the details but insisted it needs time to develop a phone-in scam that is both horribly dishonest and completely impartial.
A BBC spokesman said: "Obviously we are looking at ways of skimming five, maybe ten pence off the top of every donation.
"But we'd also like to set up a fake competition to run alongside the appeal that would then be won by a member of staff posing as one of the plebs.
"We could maybe offer a two week trip to Israel and the question could be something like, 'how do you spell Gaza?' Is it a) Gaza, b) Gazzzza, or c) fyjyplymp?'"
The BBC had earlier refused to screen the appeal claiming it would face accusations of being biased towards not dying horribly.
The spokesman added: "Screening a humanitarian appeal which most people are going to ignore anyway would have destroyed the BBC's reputation, just as if it had been hit by wave after wave of indiscriminate air strikes."
Tom Logan, professor of communications at Reading University, said: "It's a difficult one for the BBC. It has to weigh up a lot of very complex factors before surrendering five minutes of airtime that would otherwise be filled with vapid, unoriginal shit."
The BBC appeal will be introduced by Jonathan Ross, the jumped-up researcher, who will highlight the suffering of Palestine's 80 year-old grandmothers, many of whom he would like to have sex with.