'Because I've got your iPlayer, thanks' is top TV licence excuse

THE most common excuse for not having a BBC TV licence is the existence of the BBC iPlayer, it has emerged.

A BBC spokesman said: “You’d be amazed at how many people refuse to pay £145 a year simply because we give all our stuff away on the internet.

“It’s really annoying. Maybe we didn’t think that through.

“Maybe we could make the TV licence look really cool, like a hologram of Luther or something, so that people will want one for its decorative appeal.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Neil Gaiman to publish book of solid financial advice

BEST-SELLING fantasy writer Neil Gaiman has announced his first book of sound financial advice.

Discussing Neil Gaiman’s ISAs and ISA Alternatives Gaiman said: “There’s more to me as a writer than dreams, myths and hallucinatory inter-dimensional journeys to gothic netherworlds.

“I’m actually a lot keener on ISAs, fixed yield bonds and other comparable savings products than I am fairies. The made-up fairy books are just a way of bringing in more capital.”

He added: “I got the idea for the book after reminding Tori Amos to ‘ditch and switch’ her old Lloyds account after its introductory bonus interest rate expired.”