THEIR music may be great, but thanks to strangulated singing and incomprehensible lyrics, f**k knows what these hugely successful artists are banging on about.
Kevin Rowland
Everyone’s heard the classic Dexy’s hits Come On Eileen and Geno, but Kevin’s rapid, high-pitched lyrics are not so easily recognisable. Luckily people stomping away at wedding receptions make up their own lyrics anyway. Wolverhampton’s finest frontman has a fantastic back catalogue of soulful tunes, but sadly only Kevin himself knows what any of them are about.
Björk
It might seem unfair to single out someone who records in a second language, but it’s clear from interviews Björk has a good command of English, even developing a cockney accent at one point. This is forgotten when she’s singing and on Big Time Sensuality and Venus As A Boy she may as be listing Icelandic volcanoes.
Snow
Back in the mists of time (1993) Canadian rapper Darrin O’Brien, aka Snow, had a worldwide hit with Informer, which seems to fuse Inuit words with Jamaican patois, resulting in gibberish. Sadly, 30 years after its release cryptologists the world over are still no closer to working out what ‘a licky boom boom down’ is.
Shane MacGowan
The lead singer of The Pogues was renowned for burning the candle at both ends, and the middle. His lyrics might be stunning works of poetry, but it’s hard to tell when drunkenly snarled into a microphone. The exception is Fairytale Of New York, where Shane and Kirsty MacColl hurl abuse at each other, striking a chord with every couple who’ve had enough of Christmas and your f**king parents aren’t even here yet.
Brian Johnson
Human car alarm and lead singer of rock behemoths AC/DC, is known for having tiny vocal cords made of sandpaper. Once past the choruses of Back In Black and Highway To Hell you’re in a no-man’s land of high-pitched Geordie storytelling only dogs and bats appreciate. Despite AC/DC’s vast success and obvious talent, the first thing anyone hearing him thinks is: ‘Ooh, that sounds like it hurts.’
