A FRESH mutation of the Stars In Their Eyes virus could wipe out millions of vulnerable people, the NHS has warned.
The bug appeared to have been eradicated in the UK nearly a decade ago, but the disease has since re-emerged, like the Black Death.
Symptoms include vomiting, diarrhoea and an acute awareness of the futility of human endeavour.
An NHS spokesman said: “Anyone who feels nostalgic for poorly executed karaoke style singing is very ill.
“To be on the safe side, don’t watch TV on Saturday nights. Instead, use that time to go dogging, smash bottles against a wall or just get really into crystal meth.”